Celebrating 26 Years of Love: What I've Learned About Building a Successful Relationship
This week marks a milestone in my life—my 26th wedding anniversary with my wonderful husband. As I reflect on our journey together, I'm filled with gratitude and awe for how we've grown both as individuals and as partners. Being married to him has been a true joy. (If you know him, you’ll know I’m telling the truth—no one is more peaceful and fun to be around than he is!) While we’ve faced our share of challenges, they’ve only served to deepen our connection, strengthen our bond, and teach us invaluable lessons about what it takes to build and maintain a successful relationship.
When it comes to relationships, I’ve learned that there is no one-size-fits-all solution, but there are principles and practices that can help guide us toward deeper love, greater understanding, and lasting fulfillment. One of the most important lessons I've learned is that relationships require intention, effort, and a commitment to growth—both as a couple and as individuals.
The Power of Communication and Emotional Connection
One of the most transformative things my husband and I have learned over the years is how to communicate effectively. When we first started our journey together, communication wasn't always our strong suit. But over time, we learned how crucial it is to not only talk to each other but to really listen—to understand each other's needs, desires, and fears. Open, honest, and vulnerable communication is the bedrock of any successful relationship. When we’re able to express ourselves clearly and listen with empathy, we create a safe space for each other to grow.
This is where the work of Dr. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman, renowned relationship experts, becomes invaluable. In their research, the Gottmans emphasize the importance of fostering emotional intimacy through positive interactions and shared understanding. They suggest that healthy relationships are built on a foundation of respect, kindness, and understanding. Their work has shown that couples who share positive experiences and make intentional efforts to nurture their emotional connection are much more likely to have lasting, successful relationships.
The Balance Between Couple Time and Family Time
As I reflect on the journey of our relationship, I realize that, like many couples, we’ve faced the challenge of balancing our individual needs, our couple time, and our family time. This balancing act is especially relevant for parents, as it’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of day-to-day life and forget to nurture the relationship that brought you together in the first place.
The Gottmans offer wisdom on how parents, in particular, can navigate this balance. In one of their insightful blog posts, they share four ways parents can balance couple time and family time, ensuring that both are prioritized. According to the Gottmans, the key is in scheduling time for each other and protecting those moments, even if it's just for a short while each day. They also suggest that parents should strive to maintain a sense of playfulness and shared joy, both within the family and as a couple.
Here are the four key ways the Gottmans recommend balancing couple time and family time:
Schedule Regular “Couple Time”: Just as you schedule family activities, make sure to set aside time for just the two of you. It might be as simple as a quiet evening together after the kids go to bed or a weekly date night. Consistency is key.
Create Rituals of Connection: Small rituals like checking in with each other during the day or sharing a cup of coffee (or in my case- a Diet Coke with coconut and lime) together in the morning can help keep your connection strong, even when life gets busy.
Practice Kindness and Appreciation: Taking the time to show gratitude for each other and to express appreciation for what your partner brings to your life can foster positivity and emotional security within the relationship.
Remember to Have Fun Together: Laughter and playfulness are crucial components of any relationship. Find activities that bring joy and allow you both to relax and have fun—whether it's taking a walk, watching a movie, or going on an adventure together.
By following these principles, couples can foster a deeper connection, even in the midst of busy family life. The Gottmans remind us that nurturing our bond as a couple is not just beneficial for us—it also sets a powerful example for our children, showing them the importance of love, respect, and partnership.
Growing Together, Not Apart
One of the most profound realizations I’ve had over the years is that relationships require growth—not just as individuals, but together as a couple. In the early years of our relationship, we often focused on how to make our individual lives better, but over time, we learned that mutual growth was the key to a lasting, fulfilling relationship.
This doesn’t mean we’ve always agreed or that we’ve never faced hardships—far from it. But it means we’ve been committed to working through our differences, learning new things about each other, and supporting each other’s personal growth while also nurturing the shared dreams and goals we have as a couple.
Celebrating the Journey
As I celebrate 26 years of marriage, I am reminded of the incredible journey we’ve been on together. We've built a life based on love, respect, and mutual support. But, above all, we’ve learned the importance of continually investing in our relationship—both when things are easy and when they’re difficult.
To all the couples out there, whether you’ve been together for months or decades, remember that relationships are a continual work in progress. Embrace the challenges, celebrate the wins, and always make time to nurture your emotional connection.
In the wise words of the Gottmans, "The secret to a long-lasting marriage isn’t about avoiding conflict; it’s about creating a culture of appreciation, respect, and connection."
So here's to 26 years and many more ahead, filled with love, laughter, and growth.
Credit: John and Julie Schwartz Gottman, "4 Ways Parents Can Balance Couple Time and Family Time" – Gottman Institute Blog
